Once We Were
by DanteLegna
Summary: Once we were in our peaces with our lives assured, once we were not afraid of the dark. AU! Merlin/Uther
1. A Voice in The Dark

_He's still falling_  
 _And futhermore_  
 _He's now aware_  
 _"Come spread your wings_  
 _Awake now"_

 _ **A Voice in the Dark - Blind Guardian**_

The sky was painted orange and red when the Great King opened his eyes, pain running through his body as if it was his own blood. His mind was numb, memories too twisted, too foggy for him to really remember what had happened. He tried to move but found no strength in his tired muscles, and oh how the darkness seemed so sweet, so welcomed in that moment. If he gave up, the pain would cease and the heaviness on his body would disappear. The darkness meant a peace he hadn't felt in a long time, and his eyelids seemed to agree with his dizzy mind, but deep inside he knew he should fight.

But it was so easy to slip into unconsciousness, to ignore the fragile will of keep fighting trying to lit a flame on his chest. Perhaps his time was finally over and he should step aside, let Arthur take his place and be the King he knew his son would be. A wave of pain hit him hard enough and Uther felt a groan escaping out of his chapped lips. Grey, exhausted eyes glanced around - it was a beautiful place, good enough to have his final moments. It was difficult to breath properly now, and his eyelids were too heavy...

 _Don't give up._

Uther gasped loudly, eyes wide open now. The voice echoed too close, too gentle… and even if he didn't recognize it, something on his chest stirred almost painfully, longing to hear more, and he decided to grab on that little hope just for a little longer. Somehow the voice had cleared his senses, forced his willpower back to him, reminded him of who he was. He was a King, for God's sake! He shouldn't give up so easily, so cowardly. He should stand and fight as the Great King he was.

And then, just as suddenly as the voice, a pair of blue eyes floated over his face, leaving him speechless. Those eyes were so filled with compassion, so full of worry and also something even deeper, a kind of emotion Uther dared not to name in that moment. Warm hands touched his face, then lifted his head carefully. The King noticed the vial near his lips and even if every inch of his body screamed 'sorcery', he had no strength to try to move away or avoid the cool liquid being forced down his lips.

For a long second nothing happened, and he wondered what kind of poison he had just swallowed but the thought sounded just _so ridiculous_ on his mind. Whispered words reached his ears but Uther didn't try to understand them, simply stood still, waiting patiently for death he was trying to avoid only a few moments ago. Instead, he only felt the pain faltering and then fading gently, slowly, leaving a burning trace on its way. Once more his eyelids were too heavy but this time, somehow he knew it was safe to slip into a dreamless slumber.

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 ** _I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. This is my first Merlin fanfiction and it's been a while since I wrote something, so please forgive me. I just had this idea peeking on my mind for some time and I wanted to share. Thank you for reading!_**


	2. The Enemy Inside

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Uther's POV.**_

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 _Tell me I'm not dying_  
 _I'm running from the enemy inside_

 _These suffocating memories are etched upon my mind_  
 _And I can't escape from the enemy inside_

 ** _The Enemy Inside - Dream Theater_**

For a long time he just walked aimlessly through an endless land covered with fog. He couldn't say if that was just a dream or if he was dead, lost in his road to Avalon. Sometimes, he felt nothing but that overwhelming peace that seemed to erase everything else, that washed away the weariness from his body and soul. Sometimes he felt like drowning deeper and deeper into dark waters, the pain and agony coming back at full strength only to make his hope falter and his spirit crack. In those times, that same voice from before would whisper comforting words at his ear, filling him with such courage that he just committed himself to keep going.

To where, he didn't know.

Sometimes, the whole world would change and shrink to a simple hut, warm and quiet. It was hard to stay awake in there, his vision blurring and going dark at every attemp to move. If he made any sound, the guiding voice would soothe him, gentle hands pushing him back into his private world once more. The pain wouldn't appear for hours, even days after that and he couldn't be more grateful. His moral code screamed and fought the sorcery working on him everytime, but Uther didn't know in what he could really believe.

Sorcery was _evil_.

It took his wife, his love, his dearest Ygraine from him.

Sorcery was _wicked_.

It gave him Arthur, his beloved son, his treasure, his heir.

Sorcery was _death_.

It saved his life when nothing else would.

 _Magic is not good or evil. Evil lies in the hearts of men, just as goodness._

The voice came suddenly, gently, when the hatred blurred his thoughts and darkened his senses, when he decided not to believe in whoever was there behind the **treacherous** words anymore, when he refused to take another step into that endless, fogged land. Perhaps it was just another trick, a way to keep him away from Camelot so his kingdom would fall at last.

"Magic is wrecked." He replied, betraying himself yet trying to stay firm on his beliefs. "It's dangerous. It's evil, dark. It corrupts, break your soul."

 _Hatred and fear are dangerous._ Uther shuddered, and it took him just a moment to notice he was just too cold, a walking corpse pretending to be the King he was no more.

 _You had a good heart once._

 _You were a fair King._

"I _am_ a fair King!" He shouted to the thin air, embracing himself in a fooling attempt to shove the cold away but it was of no use. He felt sick, trapped in a place he couldn't escape.

And then _they_ had appeared. Crooked images of thousand lives he had taken, hundreds of souls he had destroyed, distorted children and women, young and old men. Ygraine, Arthur, Morgana… Gorlois, Viviene, Gaius. His friends, his _family_. And that was the first time he finally saw darkness in that place. It wasn't a normal kind of darkness, though. It slipped into his too quiet world slowly, like a rattler curling on his path. It took only a few seconds and then everything faded into black.

The despair, the paralyzing fear and agony throbbed at his chest almost painfully, and for what seemed to be days he heard nothing but the cries of those he had killed, their pleas and screams, he saw nothing but their rotting corpses and the terrible darkness. Uther tried to get himself to ignore the sickening feelings, tried not to suffocate on the pain that wasn't his but how could he?

And then he had wept for those people he never knew the names, for the family he had lost, and he felt his very soul shattering at every tear that ran down his face. That was his punishment for years of blind rage that took so many lives, for the blood on his hands that he'd never be able to wash away.

"Why must you torture me like this?"

But the guiding voice was long gone, and he doubted it'd come back. He was lost in that sea of darkness and misery and there was no one to save him this time.

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 _ **Thank you for reading and I hope you're enjoying! I'll try to explain more in the next chapter.  
Reviews make me very happy~**_


	3. Empty Words

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Merlin's POV.**_

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 _Do you ever feel it?_  
 _A craving that is so strong_  
 _To by though rewind in order to find_  
 _Expectations that shined through the doubt_

 ** _Empty Words - Death_**

A soft groan filled of pain and despair echoed too loud on the small hut and forced him to open his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he slept more than a few hours and often he'd wondered why he was doing it - taking care of a person that'd get him killed without a second thought. Merlin sighed, eyes moving to the pale, weakened king thrashing on the bed. An annoying little voice on his head kept whispering things would be easier if he just let the man die.

 _Not yet._

It kept echoing on his mind, countering the dirty little voice, silencing it whenever it dared to show its ugly head. Two words that meant more, much more than he dared to try to understand, with a deeper meaning he dared not to doubt. The young warlock adjusted the cloak around his body and stood up, approaching Uther. **Let him die, let him suffer. He deserves it, every second of pain…** What a bitter thought. The man that hunted and killed thousands of his kin, his people, laying helpless on his bed. It'd be so easy indeed.

 _Not yet._

Arthur wasn't ready to be king.

 _Not yet._

If Uther died by magic, everything'd be lost.

 _His time has not come yet._

Merlin placed a hand on Uther's forehead, feeling the warmth of a never ceasing fever, noticing how the man flinched at his cold touch. A few words escaped his lips, eyes burning gold for a moment, and the King exhaled deeply as pain seemed to fade away from his tired features slowly. Magic to fight magic. A sweet irony. Morgause's powers were strong, her sick wills stronger but she hadn't foresee something. She hadn't expected a sorcerer to help Uther to keep living, keep fighting. No one was mad enough, no one was so stupid. A bitter laugh echoed before Merlin could hold it back. Perhaps loneliness just drove him insane, at last.

He didn't move for a while, watching silently as the older man once more got lost in his own mind, his spirt once more slipping into a painless dream with nothing but peace to welcome him. **He doesn't deserve peace.** But he wouldn't last longer, not if he kept going through darkness. The poison bubbling on his veins, burning his body, eating away his very soul, would make sure of it.

Merlin did whatever he could, tried everything within his power.

Now it was Uther's task to survive such ordeal.

The young warlock moved away, his fingers brushing Uther's cheek almost kindly as he stepped back to sit down on his chair. How could he care for someone so cruel, so heartless, that persecuted so many innocent people for no reason at all but hatred? He shouldn't care. Helping someone was easy - he could forget who Uther was, he could take care of a man with no face nor past. He couldn't, _he shouldn't_ get too close, too involved.

 _You had a good heart once._

It was true, for he had seen what Uther tried to hide, buried too deep, under countless covers of false arrogance and pure, bitter sadness that wrapped itself in the poor man's heart almost completely, leaving nothing but a shadow of the person that Uther had been once. He had glimpsed a proud, yet gentle King that cared for his people and kingdom. He had seen a man that loved his wife more than anything else, more than his life. A lover, a friend, a leader.

But somewhere along the line, everything _shattered_.

He just hoped it wasn't too late to fix something - _anything_.

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 _ **Thank you for taking time to read!**_  
 _ **I hope you're enjoying it~! Reviews would make me very happy~**_


	4. Carnival of Rust

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Merlin's POV.**_

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 _D' you breathe the name of your  
saviour in your hour of need,  
And taste the blame if the flavor  
should remind you of greed?_

 _ **Carnival of Rust - Poets of the Fall**_

It had been _too long_ since the day he found Uther. Weeks turned into months. When winter came, it was quite obvious there was little else he could do but watch the King's desperate, almost pitiful struggles to live, to step away from the darkness consuming his soul. Some doors should stay shut, yet he had been force to open every single door of his heart at once. Sometimes Merlin wondered if Uther would endure, if he'd make it through another night. Sometimes he wished he could also heal the King's mind.

How terrible it was to see the once a great man reduced to a mere shadow that slowly was fading away. His body lost its strength slowly. His skin was constantly cold and pale.

Often he felt like a ghost stalking a shadow lost in the night.

Often he felt his hope faltering, slipping away between his fingers at every ragged breath, every painful moan coming from the once Great King.

And it felt so wrong.

 _Wrong wrong wrong wrong_.

He wanted to help, to heal. His magic needed a purporse, something bigger than stupid tricks that even a child would be able to do. It _demanded_ to be used, and it grew more and more angry and restless day after day. If he concentrated enough, if he allowed his magic to flow and do as it desired he'd be able to feel, to hold, to guide. He could listen to Uther's song. It was surprisingly quiet, echoing softly under the silence. Sometimes it hurt, and helping seemed to hurt even more but Merlin ignored the pain that wasn't his.

The young warlock blinked, barely noticing his body moving by itself, holding Uther's hand between his, caressing the cold skin gently as if trying to warm it up. For a moment he lost his breath, wondering if he really had lost his mind. It was wrong, yet he didn't pull away. He realized _he didn't want_ to. **Stop it you're going too far he'll kill you he'll burn you.** And once more he ignored the little voice, closing his eyes, allowing himself to relax.

The silence felt good.

A gentle wave of peace washed over him, his magic flickering on his fingers, the words escaping his lips before he could hold them back. Merlin hummed softly, allowing the magic to ebb, to run through Uther's body, healing anything that required his attention. The King shifted, taking a deep breath, and the warlock felt himself smiling before pulling away slowly as his magic finally settled down, finally pleased enough to give him some peace.

For a moment Merlin watched Uther, amazed by how his breath became more regular in a matter of seconds, how his whole body seemed to relax. Perhaps he could still hold that little flick, perhaps he could believe things would get better sooner or later… But as the King didn't make another move or sound, he felt his hope failing him again, disappointment washing over him. He was supposed to be the most powerful warlock to walk on earth and yet he couldn't save that man!

He stood up, defeated. It was already time to write back to Camelot.

And before he could move away from the bed, cold, trembling fingers grabbed his waist weakily.

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 _ **Thank you for following and taking your time to read! And a special thanks to merlslover for their lovely review!  
Reviews make me happy~!**_


	5. Latch

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Uther's POV.**_

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 _You lift my heart up_  
 _When the rest of me is down_  
 _You, you enchant me,_  
 _Even when you're not around_

 ** _Latch - Disclosure_**

The sunlight invaded the room too early, finding its way through the ragged curtains. He grumbled softly, adjusting himself on the bed. A week had passed since his awaken yet it was still too difficult to bear the morning light, every headache worse than the one before. He had been in darkness for too long… The memories once more blurred his vision and Uther forced his eyes closed not to see the terrible figures trying to disturb his fragile peace of mind. Oh how grateful he'd be if he just could forget everything he had seen…

But things weren't so easy. No, he'd remember every second of that almost endless torture until his last breath.

Soft whispers echoed through the hut and it took him just a moment to recognize the voice. The words made no sense to him but they demanded silence, privacity, _respect_. A little voice screamed "sorcery" on his head and the King needed all his willpower to ignore it and push it away. He wasn't strong enough to care about magic or sorcerers. He didn't know if he wanted to. His beliefs were so shaken after his ordeal, and Uther doubted he could truly believe in himself in such a weak, pathetic state.

A cold hand touched his forehead, pulling him back into reality. The boy, Merlin, seemed worried, but a goofy smile played on his lips the very moment their eyes met and relief showered his expression but it just made Uther shift uncomfortably. **He's a sorcerer a monster he's tricking you he just wants to kill you with his own hands.** It sounded stupid, a mad man talking. But that was his true self, wasn't it? A mad man that had killed so many innocents because of hatred…

"Uther?"

The King blinked sometimes, turning his head softly only to meet the boy's innocent eyes once more. Merlin cared little of his title, his status. There he was nothing but an old hurt man being healed by a young sorcerer. Sometimes it felt oddly good to be treated as a normal person, but now he shuddered at the obvious detail he was being cured by magic, by something he _loathed_ so much. He knew the boy meant no harm, that he just wanted to help and yet it was just too hard to ignore two decades of pure hatred and disgust.

Every inch of his body screamed _wrong wrong wrong_.

As if reading his thoughts, Merlin moved a step back, his hand now resting against his side. Uther needed to look away to force back a disappointed noise; he missed the coldness on his skin yet how would he say such a humiliating thing out loud? He was a King, he still had his proud. And then a cool cloth came all of sudden, being placed on his forehead almost gently. Merlin was still smiling, he could _feel it_.

For a moment he blamed his fever for the warmth on his cheeks and his confusion.

"What were you chanting?"

The quiet words escaped his lips before Uther could notice it, but for some reason he hadn't find enough strenght to look at the boy. The ragged curtain seemed far more interesting. Merlin stood too quiet for some moments before sitting down on the chair he kept close to the bed. The silence lasted longer than he had expected, and it just made him more and more uncomfortable. His lips parted to say something, to demand an answer but cautious, warm fingers held his hand too gently, almost _fondly_.

 _ **Wrong wrong wrong.**_

 _ **He'll kill you just wait and see he'll trick you and break you until there's nothing left, then he'll destroy Camelot because they all are evil.**_

He was just fooling himself. No matter how much he tried, it was just impossible to picture that skinny, tall young lad that was always smiling as an evil sorcerer that wanted nothing but revenge. Maybe he was enchanted, maybe he was already falling for such a childish trick. It didn't matter now, not after all the hell he had been through. If being enchanted was the only way to get some peace, so be it.

"It was just an old poem." Merlin said quietly, his long fingers caressing his hand as if he hadn't noticed what he was doing. Uther felt no wish to pull away as he should, _he knew he should_. It felt just good enough, warm enough.

"Would you recite it to me? Even if it's still some kind of sorcery… I want to hear it."

When the boy smiled just _too brightly_ , the King felt something heavy being lift from his chest, some kind of feeling that he never paid attention to before. Merlin's voice echoed again, carrying whispered words Uther didn't even bother to understand but he knew they meant something magic, something… sacred.

It took only a few moments to the sorcery to work, and he fell into a dreamless sleep happily.

* * *

 _ **First of all, thank every one of you who left a review, favorited or followed. It means a lot to me and it makes me really, really happy! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story! There's some more drama coming up~**_

 _ **Thank you for taking your time to read! Reviews make me happy~**_


	6. Snow

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Merlin's POV._**

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 _I never count on yesterday_  
 _Beause the past can also change_  
 _I'll never give myself away_  
 _Life is worthwhile on the edge_

 _ **Snow - Kamelot**_

Winter was a beautiful season indeed, but something was different. It had never been this cold before, and it seemed only to get worse and worse. Perhaps his old hut was just too old by now, too fragile to prevent the coldness to invade it, to keep the warmth inside. Unfortunately he should remember he wasn't the only one living in there anymore. Merlin could endure the harsh could and the probably upcoming days of starvation but Uther wasn't as strong. He was still sick and tired all the time, constantly sleeping for hours and hours. There was no trace of Morgause's poison on his body anymore, yet its effects remained.

The warlock turned the page of his book without even paying attention to whatever he was doing. It had been long enough and the witch didn't make her move. He couldn't understand it, he couldn't even glimpse what she was really planning. Attacking Camelot in that very moment was the wisest thing to do. Cenred's army was ready. Arthur was weakened by his worries and lack of experience as a leader, and Uther was as good as dead.

 _ **She wants you she wants your power she always did and she won't stop until she finds you.**_

Merlin pushed the little annoying voice away, trying to concentrate on anything else but it. He knew Morgause had no limits, how dangerous she could be. She was smart and treacherous as a rattlesnake, and she wouldn't stop until she got what she wanted so much. Another page turned. The flames on the fireplace threatened to die but with a flash of gold they burned high once more, showering the small room with a comfortable heat. Why, why wouldn't Morgause attack Camelot now? She wanted more, much more… But what?

It couldn't be power. She had Cenred on her hands, an entire army at her disposal and the brute King would do everything for her. Magic? She was one of the last priestess of the Old Religion. Her magic was powerful enough. No, it was much more than revenge or bitterness. It was something he couldn't glimpse and Merlin wasn't sure if he really wanted to.

"B-boy…"

Uther's broken voice came as a soft, cold breeze of Winter. Merlin moved too quickly, feeling his own proud shattering a bit more. He couldn't undersand it either, that very necessity to be just _too close_. His hands were already holding Uther's before he could even think about what he was doing, and the King smiled for a second, relaxing against the pillows once more. Merlin felt himself smiling widely, his heartbeat sounding too loud on his ears.

It **wasn't** love.

It **couldn't** be.

 _Wrong wrong wrong wrong._

"I'm tired… of laying down here." Uther spoke slowly, and for the first time in all those months he held Merlin's hand back and tried to force himself up into a sitting position. "Help me… to take a walk around."

"Already ordering me around? It must mean you're feeling a lot better."

The older man laughed. It was a crooked, hoarse noise but it sounded as a laughter nonetheless. Their eyes met for longer than necessary, hands still connected. In that moment his magic had been completely forgotten, an eternal mad hunt for revenge pushed away into the depths of Uther's mind along with countless other secrets Merlin had seen and would never talk about. The warlock allowed himself to get lost in those gray eyes, trying to find something, **anything** that meant him harm, that would shatter the enchantment and bring him back to the cruel reality they lived in. Instead he found a strange kind of... _affection_.

There was no tension, no hatred, no doubt.

Uther _trusted_ him with his life.

"A walk around the hut will do you well."

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 _ **Thank you for taking your time to read, my sweet doves! It means a lot to me!**_  
 _ **Reviews make me really happy~**_


	7. Abandoned

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Uther's POV.**_

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 _Once my life was plain and clear_  
 _I recall once my ignorance was bliss_  
 _Nightfall came like a serpent's kiss_  
 _To my troubled mind_

 _ **Abandoned - Kametot**_

It took little effort to trust on Merlin completely in a matter of days. He was the kindest soul Uther had ever met, and he always had a smile on his face. Winter didn't seem to affect his childish mood, and everytime he came back after a long day looking for wood or some more food, he enlighted the entire room with his mere presence. Now that the King spent good part of the day awake, he babbled about everything, not even waiting for an answer or a commentary. His voice was cheerful, different from that one that guided Uther through the endless darkness but somehow still the same.

The King felt a shameful wave of jovial excitement everytime their eyes met. His heart beat harder against his chest whenever Merlin held his hand or helped him with simple tasks, as bathing and eating. As deplorable as it sounded, he was pretty sure the only reason he was recovering so well and so quickly was because the boy was by his side, smiling and chattering and laughing. It was easy to forget Merlin was a sorcerer, that they were supposed to be enemies and he should've killed the young man weeks ago.

It was easy to pretend he wasn't a King and he hadn't a kingdom waiting for him to come back, sooner or later.

For a moment he wondered what he'd do once he got back to Camelot. He could simply turn a blind eye, ignore Merlin's existence but the mere thought sounded impossible on his head. It was easier to fall deadly ill again than try to forget about that boy. His eyes focused on the sorcerer sat near the table, reading something. It looked like a spell book. It was a surprise to notice that such a fact didn't disgusted him anymore. Sorcery could be evil, but Merlin…

Perhaps Merlin had been blessed by the gods themselves with a rare good heart and soul that couldn't be corrupted nor broken by the devilish power. The only magic creature that could be trusted on earth.

Uther could see himself believing in such a childish lie.

A page on the book had been turned, Merlin too concentrated on whatever he was reading to feel Uther's intense stare on his neck. He didn't feel like bothering the boy in that moment, so the King allowed himself to look around, trying to register everything he could. The hut they've been living for the past months was too old and decrepit, as if its owner didn't have time to fix the countless holes and cracks on the walls or perhaps it was just supposed to look like abandoned.

While Uther's things (the few ones that Merlin had saved after the attack) had been carefully placed on a cupboard close to the bed, Merlin's belongings were scattered everywhere, as if the boy had no sense of cleaning or simply arranging things on its places. As if he had been living alone for a long time, with no one to help him to pay attention to those little details. It made his stomach clench hard and an annoying, unnamed feeling got stuck on his throat.

It just didn't _make sense_. Merlin was a smart, strong lad that worked hard by himself, not even using sorcery around Uther. With his gentle heart and easy smile, it'd be easy for him to make friends. He could've get a good job anywhere, even in Camelot or in Cenred's kingdom.

So why, **why** live in such a humiliating, forgotten place?

"Merlin?" Uther called softly, eyes once more locked on the tall boy but Merlin simply hummed in response. "For how long have you been living here?"

It was pretty obvious the boy didn't enjoy the subject. Uther noticed clearly the exact moment his mood dropped and his shoulders stiffened. After a long, silent minute Merlin finally turned, his blue eyes filled with such a sadness the King hadn't seen before. He almost regretted his stupid curiosity and for a second felt the urge of smacking himself. Good thing he was still too weak to do so.

"It's been seven summers now. Since my mother died." Merlin's voice was quiet, but he raised a hand before Uther could have the chance to apologize. "Don't. You didn't know."

Uther shifted uncomfortably on the bed, not sure why he was even bothering in know something else about Merlin than the mere fact he was a sorcerer studying magic right in front of his eyes. If it had happened before, he'd have executed the boy himself without hesitation. Now he didn't even know what he should _think_. He knew he shouldn't get too involved. It was wrong and stupid and he'd end up dead or broken. Nothing good could come from sorcery, only pain and death.

Yet his mouth seemed not to agree with his logic. "You're a smart boy. You could get a decent job, live in a better place than here. Cenred holds nothing against magic."

 _He uses it on his army_ , Uther thought bitterly.

"Cenred knows who I am. He's been hunting me for some time now, in hopes I'll join his cause." Merlin hesitated before turning to his book, but Uther noticed he wasn't paying attention to it anymore. "He doesn't understand I have no desire to fight. Thus I hide here. Cenred may be a heartless brute but he's not stupid. And besides, no Knight of Camelot cross the Valley often."

Oh, so they were in the Valley of the Fallen Kings. It made some sense now. The boy was well protected by nature and bandits, a soft spot on Camelot's lands that only a few had the qualms to cross and explore deeper than necessary, and barely none came back to tell the stories about what they had found. The boy's magic could shield him from any danger that a sword could not. A perfect hiding, invisible and safe. How intelligent Merlin really was? Most of the time he was just a goofy, clumsy boy trying to cheer a sick, old man up.

"I was hunting along the White Mountains." Uther barely noticed his obvious remark, but the gentle laugh that escaped Merlin was enough to make him feel a bit better. "It's a three days walk. And you… carried me all the way back here. Why? Why would you save my life? Why risk so much?"

The boy turned his face to Uther once more, but this time there was no sadness hovering over his face. His eyes shone in a wild determination that made him look even more beautiful than the usual, and for a second Uther wanted nothing but hold him close and take those lips… And he felt himself blushing more than it should be possible. For gods sake, how could he think about such infamous things? He could list everything wrong about that.

Merlin was old enough to be his own son.

Merlin was a sorcerer. He was evil.

Merlin was a clumsy farmer boy.

Merlin would reject him, would despise him.

And then a glint of selfishness bubbled on his chest. He was the King of Camelot, he could _demand_ to get whatever he wanted…

And twice in the same night he felt the urge of smacking himself, this time with his own sword. How could he ever think about forcing his sickening desires on the boy just after all he had done? He felt like a monster people claimed him to be. A disgusting monster that didn't deserve a single drop of Merlin's endless kindness. No, he deserved the magic poison in an arrow on the back. It fit him.

"I saved you because that was the right thing to do." It took him a few time to Merlin's words to sink in. "Because I believe in a better future for Camelot."

"And you thought that saving me would change my mind about… sorcery."

"I'm not stupid, Uther. I know nothing will change, not while you're King."

"Magic is evil." Once more he felt his crushed beliefs faltering, his pretended determination failing him. It shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't feel so weak, so exposed. "You don't know how things were before the Purge, boy. You weren't there, you didn't see… the chaos, the corruption. Even now sorcery threatens to destroy everything I've spent my life building and I won't allow it as long as I breathe!"

And then came the final blow.

The disappointment and betrayal on Merlin's eyes was so heartbreaking, so obvious that Uther didn't know what to think or believe. There was no smile this time, no cheerful smart remarks. He had just shattered the boy's hopes on living in peace and it just felt terribly wrong. It felt worse than his dirty thoughts and the nightmares he still had night after night. The King tried to think about something to say, to mend the damage he had just done but it was too late. Merlin sighed, looking hurt and broken and _oh so lonely_.

In that moment, Uther truly regretted he was still alive.

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 _ **This is the longest chapter I've written and I'm quite proud of it *nodnod* But fret not, my little doves! There's more drama coming ahead but also there's a happy ending~**_

 _ **mersan123: Oh I'm sorry I didn't explain it before my dear. Merlin just have a hard time carrying Uther all the way back through the Valley, poor lad. I'm glad you're enjoying the story though! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews~**_

 _ **Thank you all for taking your time to read, it means a lot to me!**_  
 _ **Reviews make me happy~**_


	8. Worlds Collide (Part 1)

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Merlin's POV.**_

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 _Hearing voices from afar_  
 _Join the madness when the curtain falls_  
 _Risk it all, hold nothing back_  
 _Seize the day, we must attack_

 ** _Worlds Collide - Nicki Taylor_**

The Crystal Cave seemed darker than ever, its walls covered with countless magic crystals sending shivers down his spine. The powerful magic lurking on every spot of that forgotten place was always overwhelming, oppressive even. He always felt so small, so weak. He'd rather step right into Camelot than stand there for more than necessary. A shaken sigh teared from his lips as Merlin stepped further, trying not to stare. It was so difficult, a ridiculously painful task. The crystals seemed to sing, calling for his magic, burning his blood as he rejected their endless attempts to grab his very soul.

He didn't want to be there. He wanted to run away, to return home.

So why was he still standing there?

Merlin closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. He didn't need the crystals to see the troubled future laying just ahead. Oh he didn't need a stupid bright stone to show him how he'd burn and scream if he decided to sink deeper into that madness. Uther _would_ kill him, sooner or later. There was no doubt, yet there was also no remorse nor pain. He had done the right thing. He saved a life. He expected no more than a simple thanks.

How insane would he need to be to expect the bloody _King of Camelot_ to truly trust him and allow him to live free, with no fear of being killed or tortured? Uther would never change his mind about magic. He had made it **perfectly clear** few days ago… Yet Merlin had seen _the changes_. He watched, oh so patiently, as Uther's broken, uncertain confidence grew and turned into something else, something the warlock wasn't sure he should name yet. It wasn't just some kind of twisted friendship they had managed to build slowly. It was much more yet nothing at the same time.

There was fear and there was affection.

Pure loathing and gentle fondness.

There was hope, and there was desperation.

Love and hatred in equal measure, colliding painfully, shattering everything on the way.

Merlin finally moved. A specific crystal had been calling him, luring him into a trap he couldn't escape. His fingers touched the cold stone, eyes still closed. He didn't want to see, to feel, to know. There was too much already… A gentle pulse invited him to stare but he knew it was just a dirty trick. Why should he care about Morgause and her plans? If he kept hiding, she'd never find him and there'd be nothing to worry about…

And a wave of shame bubbled on his chest and he felt his cheeks burning. He was a coward, a rat trying to flee from a sinking boat. How could he think about such disgraceful things when people's lives were at stake? He was Emrys, for gods' sake, the most powerful warlock to walk on earth, yet he was hiding from a mere priestess of the Old Religion, too scared of a mere shadow, of an old nightmare. How stupid could he really be? He was a grown man now, he had full control of himself and his magic.

She couldn't scare him anymore, and she wouldn't.

He _could_ stop her.

A new pull came, gentler than before, and his magic hummed back in response, pleased and willing to give in. Soft whispers ran through his skin, warm and comforting. For the first time in a long time, it felt _right_. For the first time he didn't shake nor step away as the messy images flooded his mind, allowing his magic to feel everything, allowing himself to get lost in a dark future that hadn't yet been set in stone but that was creeping closer and closer each passing hour.

When the magic exploded, Merlin embraced every inch of it.

* * *

 _ **This chapter was shorter than I have planned, but it'll have a second part to make up for my mess. I hope you guys don't mind it. The second part will come soon carrying lots of drama, or at least I'll try to add some drama into the whole thing *hides* Sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I'm so so sorry for this, my doves! Again, lots of love and thanks for the wonderful mersan123 for their lovely reviews! You really make my day everytime!**_

 ** _And again, thank you all for taking your time to read, you're great! Reviews make me happy~_**


	9. Worlds Collide (Part 2)

**_Disclaimer: I down't own Merlin, unfortunately. Uther's POV._**

* * *

 _Stars arising, countless worlds colliding  
Only one will take it all  
Can we bring to fall the giants  
Can we make the final call_

 _ **Worlds Collide - Nicki Taylor**_

Uther had no idea why he even allowed Merlin to leave the hut when the boy seemed so obviously distressed. He was still King of Camelot and he could order people around as much as he wanted. Unfortunately, almost a decade of loneliness taught Merlin nothing of nobility and simple things like those. The dark-haired boy still left him all of sudden, giving a stupid excuse that sounded like 'getting some food' and 'being back in an hour'. They didn't need any more food, and it certainly had been more than an hour. The sky was getting darker and darker and still there was no signal of Merlin.

The King forced himself to stand up from the bed for the sixth or seventh time in that hour, supported only by the stick Merlin had given him few weeks ago so he could walk around and help himself whenever he desired if the sorcerer wasn't around. Thinking about Merlin only made him angrier and anxious. He shouldn't feel like that, it was dirty and wrong and he had vowed to never allow his sick desires to take over his mind and feelings.

It was nothing but _desire_. It should be nothing else, yet it felt deeper and way more intense than simple lust.

But right now, Uther was much more worried about how late the bloody fool was. His knuckles turned white as he thought about the countless things that could've happened to Merlin, his grip on the stick tighter than needed. What if bandits had surprised the boy on his way? What if Merlin had fallen off a cliff (and Uther didn't even doubt for a second it could really happen) and was severely hurt? What if Merlin had decided to run away, scared of what Uther would do once they reached Camelot? The old man scoffed, because he was ridiculously sure he'd do nothing to bring harm on the boy that had just saved his life in more ways he could even remember.

But then he remembered his outburst, and Uther simply fell back on the bed, astonished. How many times would he be blinded by his short temper and prejudice? He had broken Merlin and his fragile hopes, and the poor, so sweet and innocent and pure lad didn't deserve to be hurt like that. Not after everything he had done, after all the good he had brought into Uther's life. It was unfair and cruel, and Merlin deserve much more, sorcerer or not.

And if the King tried, really tried, he could even remember how it was like back in the days magic was allowed in Camelot, before the chaos and panic and death. He could remember the beautiful festivals, the childish tricks that used to fill his heart with joy and awe. The healers, always working so hard to save a life, to bring peace. The dragons, mighty and powerful, igniting the skies in the darkest nights of Winter. There was a time Camelot lived in harmony and happiness, _true happiness_. There was a time he was a fair king with a good heart, but somewhere along the line he lost it all.

A soft sigh left his lips, face hidden on his shaking hands. It took him only a second to realize what was that sudden wetness on his cheek - he was _crying_. He didn't even think about what Merlin would say if the boy caught him in such a fragile, pathetic state. He had done terrible, unforgivable things, driven by loss and grief. He was no better than Nimueh, or Cenred or his father before him. Images from his nightmares threatened to peek into his mind and Uther looked up quickly, shoving them away. The sight of the old hut was enough to make him feel better, as stupid as it sounded. The whole place meant safety, peace.

It meant _Merlin_ and his whispered words full of tenderness and a strange devotion. It meant a warm, good magic that healed his countless wounds, that cleared his foggy senses.

The door cracked open slowly, startling him. Tears quickly got wipped away from his face and he almost stood up - but the tall figure that had slipped into the hut sat down by his side on the bed before Uther could even think, head resting on his trembling hands. Merlin. An annoying feeling that had been pushing against his chest finally settled down, but there was something wrong. Uther had never seen the boy so pale, shaking so badly, and his distress was the most obvious thing in the world in that moment. A thin line of blood escaped his scalp, running down his temple and disappearing into his hands.

"Merlin?"

A strangled, muffled noise escaped the boy but he didn't move an inch. The King sighed in exasperation, touching the boy's shouder as gently as he could manage in that moment. At least Merlin wasn't as badly injured as he had expected, yet it was frightening to see young warlock like that, so pitiful and fragile, forcing his quiet sobs back. After some moments, Uther felt the boy stucking himself against his side, looking for warmth or maybe some comfort, and the gray-haired man couldn't help but think about Arthur and how his son used to do the same thing when he was young.

Careful fingers rested against Merlin's back, rubbing the clothed skin slowly, trying to reassure the boy. Again the young man didn't move, only curled up more, as if trying to hide from whatever was haunting him, as if his whole world was falling into pieces right in front of his eyes and he could do nothing but watch it.

"What happened, boy?" He tried again, his voice sounding too fondly and too strange on his ears but it didn't matter in that moment. "Did you fall off a cliff or something?"

Merlin finally blinked out of his shock and let out a scoff that resembled more a hurt, painful sob, using his free hand to rub off the dirt and dried blood of his face. Uther wondered if he should ask, if he should really care but he had been pushing past the breaking point for a long time now. He felt his fingers moving against his will, curling up on the dark hair slowly. He felt the boy stiffening against his body but Merlin didn't move away as _he should_. Oh God, Uther almost wanted the boy to push him away and end his madness.

"Did someone attack you?" He asked as his fingers brushed a sore lump hidden under Merlin's hair.

"No, I… I actually fell off a cliff on my way back home."

Uther felt a hoarse laughter bubbling on his throat, barely holding it back at the sight of Merlin's deadpan expression. How hard it was to believe _that boy_ was a sorcerer, a powerful one by all means. Merlin mumbled something under his breath that sounded more like an insult of some sort but the King just laughed again, forcing his curiosity back. He wanted to know what really happened, the real cause of the boy's anguish but perhaps he could save his questions for later.

His hand abandoned the raven-colored hair only to slip down Merlin's arm smoothly, allowing himself to wrap an arm around the boy's waist to pull him even closer. He felt as the young man tensed even more, babbling about something Uther didn't bother to understand, eyes focused on pink lips that were just too attractive by now. _**Stop it your old fool he'll never want you he fears you he hates you just stop it already.**_ But he didn't want to stop. He needed to give it a chance, just once, just now…

When their lips met, the whole world exploded into undescrible sensations and he swallowed every drop of it.

* * *

 _ **I'm so so sorry for the worst chapter I've ever written. I swear I'm planning to add some drama into the whole thing but I just can't find the right moment *cries* Maybe I'll just right into all the romance part, uh? Anyway, a special thanks as usual for the sweet mersan123 for their wonderful reviews that always help me to keep writing! I really love you lots, dear! If you have any request, let me know~**_

 ** _Thank you all guys for taking time to read, review and favorite/follow. It means lots to me, and it makes me really happy. 3_**


	10. Hope (Part 1)

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Merlin's POV.**_

* * *

 _No tears to cry, to ease my pain_  
 _No way to heel, I'm going insane_  
 _Will darkness be left forever behind?_  
 _Will light ever shine in heart and mind_

 ** _Hope - Myrath_**

* * *

Merlin heard his name being called out but only hummed softly in acknowledgement, more focused on the images invading his mind, trying to understand every loose end, every riddle. Seeing the future shouldn't be this difficult, and yet he struggled to comprehend what had been shown him. His magic ringed on his ears, frightfully _content_ with his effort, but his mind refused to fall too deep into the dreadful visions of a fate that seemed close at hand. He couldn't even remember the last time he slept for more than a couple of hours.

Maybe he shouldn't have stepped into that bloody Cave _at all_.

Once more he ignored Uther's worried voice, blindly pacing around the hut, too lost in his thoughts to care about anything else. The older man was almost fully recovered by now, able to take care of himself very well thank you. Couldn't he see Merlin was trying to _understand_? No, of course not. How could he talk to the King of bloody Camelot about magic visions? The young warlock bit his lip, allowing himself to concentrate on the dark images for a moment, pushing the fear aside even if he didn't want to.

And there was Morgause, wild and untamed as the fire roaring loud behind her, dangerous and powerful as always. Deadly beautiful as a poisoning flower. A lady standing by her side, as pretty as the high priestess, yet her beauty had been tainted by the madness and hatred hidding behind her eyes. A word floated among them countless times, a soft pray, a safe heaven. _Sister sister sister_ , it sang endlessly, filled with a twisted love that was slowly turning into an insane kind of addiction. _I love you sister, I'll burn the world only to see you happy._

Cenred, the brute King, hesitating in send his men into battle. He **cared**. Merlin needed all his shaken willpower to ignore the clench on his stomach. Morgause and the other lady whispering poisoned words into his ear, convincing him. _Camelot is weak, it has no King. It'll be ours, all ours. No need to be afraid, love. Soon you'll have all you desire._ It was a lie but the man didn't reply, simply allowing the women to play him around as he always did. His army marched towards Camelot with no fear or hesitation.

And then Merlin found himself standing in the middle of pure chaos and horror. Camelot, crumbling into dust. There was _so much blood_ everywhere that even the skies seemed to burn red. He saw Morgause again, following the dark-haired lady through the grotesque halls painted in red. Fallen knights and soldiers, burning and screaming and crying. But of all things, the only thing that made Merlin feel so sick was the glimpse of Uther's lifeless body, bleeding at his feet helplessly.

Not even when he saw himself tied up to a pyre (by Morgause's orders, he should recall later) his body burning and his pointless cries of help filling the courtyard Merlin felt so lost, empty and desperated. _Uther is dead it's my fault all my fault I'm sorry I'm sorry._ In that moment Merlin really wanted to cry out, to push himself off of that cruel but oh so real nightmare. Uther's death was his fault and it was **overwhelming**.

Since they kissed, Merlin decided to allow his feelings to flow freely, to grow more and more everyday now that he knew he wasn't the only one stepping into that dangerous path. Uther was an attractive, kind gentleman when he wasn't in pain, and his manners were simply endearing. There was no measure for Merlin's stupidity, indeed. He should know better than trust Uther, to give himself so easily but there was no turning back now.

It was painful to remember that once they were in Camelot he'd be thrown in a dungeon or worse. He _wanted_ to trust, and every inch of his body fought against his unfair logic but he just couldn't ignore years of fear and repulsion. He wanted to love Uther freely, to put his life and faith into the King's hands, to trust the other man wholeheartedly but the feeling of betrayal was always there, provoking him. How could've he changed so much in half a year?

A calloused, strong hand gripped his shoulder too tightly, snapping him from his cruel stupor, and relief washed over his trembling body, the images from the crystal fading away quickly as Uther's face came into focus. Merlin sighed happily, barely noticing as the grey-haired man pulled him into a too warm, too welcomed embrace. He needed comfort, eager for some kind of compassion.

He was looking awful, wasn't he? There was no other reason for Uther to approach him and hug him so openly, even with their growing intimacy. Too late Merlin noticed how wet his cheeks felt… He had been crying for heaven knows how long. Oh gods, and he had thought things couldn't get _any worse_.

"If you wish to talk about it…"

"I don't-"

"I'll be eager to listen." Uther simply rolled his eyes in exasperation at the boy's indulgence, and Merlin felt a strangled chuckle leave him. "And I mean it, Merlin. You've been too stressed the past days, and I must say I miss your idiotic chattering sometimes."

"Then I won't shut up on our way to Camelot, _Sire_."

"God help me."

And when they laughed together, Merlin felt himself relaxing, forgetting about the Crystal Cave and the horrific visions almost completely. He could worry about them later. A soft, quite embarrassing purr escaped him as Uther's fingers brushed his hair, pulling their bodies closer and closer. Merlin felt his heart pumping a little faster with the sudden approach. It felt good to be locked on those strong arms… Now that he thought about it, Uther's muscles had finally started to build up again. By that point the senior knight was way physically stronger than Merlin, and the warlock couldn't help but smile widely, proud of himself for the first time in a long time.

He had done it. He truly did. He _saved_ a man's life.

Oh well, falling in love with said man wasn't included on the original plans but at least his feelings weren't unrequited as Merlin had feared for so long.

Uther was so close now, his eyes full of affection and mild concern. How difficult it was to believe by now that man had killed and hunted so many of his kin mercilessly, blinded by rage and grief, and as Winter slipped away just too quickly, it was getting harder and harded to find good excuses not to go to Camelot and maybe, _just maybe_ stay for a little while. Futile thoughts as "getting executed" didn't work anymore, and now that he knew about Morgause's plans there was no way he'd stay still and pretend he knew nothing.

He could picture himself in Camelot, sometimes.

But he couldn't ignore years of fear just yet. He couldn't ignore what he had seen - himself, being burned in a pyre. An unsettling feeling bumped at his chest. It was _Morgause_ , not Uther, giving the order. He should remember that. Uther had changed so much over the months, he learned to accept Merlin's magic and never ordered the boy to stop. Sometimes Merlin felt the King _enjoyed_ his little tricks, and there was no denying that his magic was the only thing that helped Uther to sleep through an entire night without having a nightmare.

Maybe he could do it, after all. Maybe he could stay in Camelot for some time…

"You've already informed that we'll be traveling together." Uther said suddenly, as if reading Merlin's mind or just noticing the confused doubt on his face, and stepped away from the younger man only to start pacing around, just as Merlin had done before, lost in thoughts. "But I'm still uncertain of what you're planning to do next. You _do not_ intend to come back to… this place, do you?"

"I have nowhere else to go." Merlin frowned. Uther couldn't be considering… The warlock felt panic rising and he needed all his nerve not to get sick in that moment. "Uther…"

"You've saved my life. You deserve a high reward in return." The dark-haired boy tried to reply but Uther simply shushed him with a wave, still too concentrated on whatever he was planning to do - and Merlin didn't like it _at all_. "There's no possibly way I'll allow you to keep living in such pathetic conditions. You've proven himself to be a trustful ally."

Oh Merlin knew he wouldn't like it in the end. A sigh escaped his lips, but Uther paid little attention to him.

"So I'm willing to offer you royal pardon if you give me your word that, once in Camelot, you'll make no more use of sorcery…"

"No."

The warlock didn't move as Uther stared at him as he had seen a ghost, and a shiver of antecipated fear ran down his spine. He could pretend to give up on magic, but it was wrong. Uther had placed so much trust on him already. How could he do something so cruel like shattering such faith? After what seemed to be an eternity, Merlin took a deep breath, trying to find the proper words.

"I won't lie to you. No, it's my turn and you'll listen to me." He shushed the King the same way he had been silenced before, and he couldn't say he wasn't surprise to see that Uther had just nodded, grey eyes locked on his face as if studying him carefully. "I never choose magic. I was _born_ with it. Since I was a baby I could move things with my mind. I can't..."

Merlin closed his eyes for a second, trying to picture himself without his magic and it made him shudder pitifully. The idea of living as a normal person was _beyond terrifying_. He hated hidding day after day, the constant fear of being found by Morgause or Knights of Camelot but giving up on his magic, on that special part of him that made him whole… He'd rather die first. When he opened his eyes again, he couldn't read through Uther's blank expression so Merlin allowed his gaze to get fixed on the dirty floor.

"I can't promise you I'll never use magic again. So, if you've being nice to me the past weeks because you…" A painful feeling got stuck on his throat. "You believed I'd agree with such _conditions_ of yours, I'm sorry to... disappoint you. Once we arrive Camelot, you can order my execution. I won't run and I won't fight. I'm guilty of using magic, and I'll never deny it."

Their eyes got locked once more, and Merlin waited.

He just didn't know exactly _what_ he was waiting for.

* * *

 _ **First of all, thank you so much for your lovely reviews! I'm so glad to see my work being enjoyed, it truly means a lot to me! Now, I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I wanted this chapter to be really nice and I worked hard on this one. This one will be two parts as well the last chapters.**_

 _ **Thank you so much for taking your time to read and leave reviews because they truly make me so so happy and eager to write more! Requests, questions, leave me all of them and you'll get it!**_


	11. Hope (Part 2)

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Uther's POV.**_

* * *

 _Light shines from the skies_  
 _Blessing angel in disguise_  
 _Reaching across eternity,_  
 _Saving a man uncertainty_

 ** _Hope - Myrath_**

Uther needed a long moment to understand Merlin's words completely, and yet he felt just too lost and confused. It was almost impossible for someone to be born _with magic_ , and even before the Great Purge such creatures were rare, beautiful and _powerful_. Gaius told him stories about times of the Old Religion, times when they were adored as some kind of divine being. Magic ran through their bodies just like blood, coming right from the earth and sky. He had also learned about times when the High Priestess tried to bound them and how the witches had paid for the terrible mistake. Those creatures couldn't be tamed, tied, enslaved.

For a moment he tried to remember the exact word. _Warlock_. A wave of fear and excitement ran over his body. He had believed that kind of sorcery had been wiped from his lands during the Purge, and yet there was Merlin, standing right in front of him, eyes full of resignation, and the King finally understood _why_ the boy never joined Cenred's court, why he decided to hide in such a despicable place instead of letting himself be used. Why he was waiting patiently for his death sentence.

He took a step back unconsciously as realization hit him as a punch right on the jaw.

Uther asking him to never use magic again was the _cruelest_ thing someone could do, and Merlin would rather **die** than give up on what… on who he was.

But what else could he do? As much as he trusted Merlin, he knew Camelot wouldn't welcome him with open arms, not after everything, after years of fear and prejudice - decades of blind ignorance that ruined so many lives, Merlin's included. He didn't doubt some would even accuse the boy of enchanting the King only to get into the citadel. Uther himself wondered if that wasn't the master plan, but Merlin had just proved - _over and over again_ \- to have no ill intentions nor the desire to be recognized.

And for a moment Uther tried to picture Merlin living in that decadent hut all alone. Every inch of his body rejected the image, pushed painfully against the thought. He couldn't _allow_ it to happen. Merlin belonged to people, with his smiles and kindness and selflessness, and the King had noticed the subtle changes on his mood through the weeks. He was _happy_. Forcing him into living in complete solitude again was as sordid as trying to strip his magic from his body. Death was more merciful than both options.

A humorless laughter almost left him, but Uther hold it back in the exact second. He was just trying to fool himself once more and failing miserably. It was just too hard, too painful to think in a life without Merlin by his side. Their fragile, almost wry relationship always made him feel as happy and loved as before, when Ygraine was still alive, when they were young and full of dreams. Merlin truly had done something magical to him, for he had sworn he'd never fall deeply for someone again. Sweet Merlin with his gentle words and warm touches pushed away the walls around his heart and soul, never asking permission to settle there.

Uther couldn't lose it, not now when everything felt so perfect. He couldn't live without that _love_ , the silent devotion, the secret kisses shared during a cold night. How could he live without the feeling of safety and mutual respect, the way Merlin treated him daily, almost _demanding_ to be seen as an equal. If he lost it all again, Uther was certain he'd go mad in a matter of days.

Merlin kept staring at him, expectation and a childish curiosity shining on his blue eyes, and Uther needed to take a deep breath to focus on the current problem. The boy had magic and wasn't willing to give up on it, but there should be a way to take him to Camelot and keep him safe...

"I assume this is your final decision." The King almost whispered, lips pressed into a thin line as Merlin nodded, too stubborn to change his mind. "Very well. Can you at least be discreet and keep this delicate matter… between us?"

"I… wait, what?" The shock on Merlin's face was the most funny reaction he had seen in _years_ , and Uther really fought the urge of laughing. The boy looked so lost and confused it was a surprise to see he could still stand. "I thought you'd… I don't undestand."

A painful knot got stucked on his throat and his stomach flip. Merlin really believed he'd be executed… Uther took another deep breath, running a hand through his face. They've been together for a few weeks now and the boy still doubted him, _feared_ him even. Oh well it wasn't like Merlin didn't have reasons to be afraid, scared, but it still hurt. How could he have changed so much in so little time? The King allowed himself to smile and took a step closer to the younger man, pulling him against his chest only to embrace Merlin gently once more.

"I'd _never_ hurt you, boy." Uther placed a soft kiss on the boy's forehead, barely noticing the relieved sigh that escaped his lips. "I can't allow you to live here all alone anymore, but there are people in Camelot that may think I'm enchanted, that you want to use me…"

"I understand. But I can't..."

"I know I can't force you to give up on your _evil practices_." The King smirked, bitting his tongue not to laugh at Merlin's scoff. "But we don't need to make an announcement about it as well. Could you promise not to reveal your magic, to keep it as a secret… _Our_ secret?"

For a long moment the dark-haired warlock seemed to consider the idea, hope and affection shining on his eyes. He was just a child looking for some comfort and happiness, and Uther couldn't simply deny a simple, yet so complicated request. He'd do anything within his power to see Merlin happy, but he also knew it'd take some time to revert all the damage he had done. It'd take time for people to trust into magic again, and he couldn't simply force it into their lives suddenly, with no other real explanation than _falling in love with a warlock_. They'd blame Merlin, accuse him of enchanting the King and he was sure they'd try to kill the boy only to "end the sorcery".

The idea of Merlin being executed sent dreadful shivers down his spine and he needed all the strength in his body not to get sick in that very moment.

"Please, Merlin." His voice was just a whisper now, eyes never leaving the boy's face. He knew he sounded too desperated, on the verge of a real panic attack. "I promise there'll be no persecution of my part if you come with me, you'll be allowed to use magic when we're together or when you're alone but…"

"Uther, calm down." Warm fingers rested against his cheek and Uther felt the jitters fading away as quickly as it had appeared. "Is that what you want, though? Do you really want _me_ to go to Camelot and… stay?"

"Yes. I want it with all my heart."

Merlin's wide, sincere smile melted away any doubt, any question hovering over his mind and heart. The tension between them disappeared in a blink of an eye, and there was just peace and pure bliss when they kissed, deeply and hot, filled with passion and lust. They could make it work, they could be together despite every problem they'd face sooner or later. Even if he was the King, he already had an heir to take his place after his death and he could court another person - a _male_ , a sorcerer, a peasant - as much as he desired.

"Do you want to come home with me, boy?"

"With all my heart, _my lord_."

* * *

 _ **Oh my, you have no idea of how happy I was when I read all those wonderful reviews! Thank you, thank you so much for your support! It means a lot to me, and I'm so happy to see you're really enjoying this story. I'd hug every one of you if I could! You beautiful souls!**_

 _ **Now, about the chapter. I swear I tried to write something waaaay better than this but I just couldn't think properly and sometimes it's just too difficult to write something good enough! I'm so sorry for this terrible chapter and I promise I'll make up for this one on the next chapter! I know things are working slowly between Merlin and Uther but they're so confused!**_


	12. All I Need

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Merlin's POV.**_

* * *

 _Can you still see the heart of me?_  
 _All my agony fades away_  
 _when you hold me in your embrace_

 ** _All I Need - Within Temptation_**

Spring came faster than they had expected, but now Merlin could say he was really excited for the blooming season to arrive. It meant Uther's full recovery. It meant going to Camelot, and he wouldn't be going as a prisioner or criminal. No, he'd step into the kingdom he once feared so much as a _Royal Guest_. Those words rolled over his tongue with a sweet taste, and he enjoyed them more than he probably should. But he was truly happy. Happier than he had felt in _years_ , and even the visions of the Crystal Cave had been forgotten temporarily.

Why should he care about a bloody future that couldn't happen instead of enjoying the sudden soft kisses and hugs? Why spoil a tender moment with dreadful images that probably were nothing more than another nightmare?

As he saddled the pure white mare, the warlock allowed his thoughts to wander away. Sometimes it was still hard to believe half an year had already passed by. For a moment he glanced at the old hut, a string of melancholy singing softly under his skin. That place had been his home for too long, longer than he'd like to remember. Perhaps it was already time to move on, to start a new life, and Uther came by as a perfect excuse.

A warm, strong hand landed on his shoulder suddenly and gentle lips placed a soft kiss on his cheek, pulling him back into reality. Uther was just too affectionate almost all the time now, and Merlin couldn't deny he liked the attention. Fear and uncertainty had been utterly replaced by a wonderful feeling he wouldn't dare to name as "love" just yet, but it always made him feel good, special, _cherished_ even. He could blame the King for spoiling him so much.

They stared at each other for a long moment, but then Uther offered Merlin a bright smile that made him feel his heart bumping faster than it should be normal against his ribcage. The older man noticed it and his smile got wider, his fingers making a gentle pressure on the warlock's thin shoulder. Merlin's breath got caught on his throat as the King pressed their bodies closer and closer, lips hovering over his neck, leaving a hot trace on his skin and sending pleasant shivers down his spine.

The man knew _exactly_ how to play him.

"Uther…"

His voice sounded too breathless and bloody too _sensual_ even if he didn't mean it, and if that wasn't for Uther's lips being pressed on his, he'd have smacked himself for being so stupid. In that moment, Merlin simply moaned in response, lips parted, giving the King more room to invade his mouth as he wanted so much. The kiss was just like any other they had shared - passionated, needy, full of desire. Uther's hands were everywhere on his back, as if trying to map every part of Merlin's skin, and Merlin simply gave in, too lost in the heat creeping up his body to care about anything else.

But as much as he'd be willing to give himself completely, logic kicked in to break the enchantment and push some sense into his mind. They were standing in the middle of the Valley, protected only by his magic that surely would fail him if he got too distracted by intimacy. A sigh escaped his lips as Uther moved his head only to attack the sensitive skin of his neck, Merlin's fingers squeezing the older man's shoulders. His body claimed for more, but they couldn't.

 _ **Not now, not here.**_

"Uther." The warlock managed to find his voice and enough strength to push the King away from his body, trying to ignore the heat making his knees too weak. "We need to move on."

"Of course." Uther's eyes filled with lust, but his smile was comforting and his touch was gentle as he cupped Merlin's cheeks, pressing their foreheads together. "You're beautiful, _my_ boy."

Merlin gasped softly, finding himself breathless twice in less than two minutes. He had never thought it could really happen to him one day, but the feeling was somehow far more pleasant than he had always wondered. For a long moment the young man allowed himself to relax, hands still holding Uther's shoulders, and they stood there in silence until their breaths calmed down completely, eyes closed, simply enjoying each other's presence.

"I'm glad you decided to come with me." The King said quietly after a few minutes, and Merlin hummed in response. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd still be King, with lots of servants and nobles to lick your boots all the time."

Uther barked a soft laughter, amazement shining in his eyes as clear as day but Merlin couldn't really understand why he looked so _amused_. "You're a wonder, truly. I've met a person like you, once. She was fierce, clever and she always talked back. She hardly had any respect for my position as King, but I knew I could trust her advices. She had been given in marriage to me as a treat between our families, but she was never submissive as a woman should be. She had her own mind. I respected her."

"You _loved_ her." Merlin whispered gently, feeling nothing but admiration. He knew it hurt, talking about the dead Queen so openly. The way Uther talked about her was filled with an old love that didn't burn anymore but would always exist, that he'd hold dearly within his heart until his last breath, and for a second the warlock wondered if he could be loved so intently like that woman.

"Too much." The King smiled sadly, his fingers caressing Merlin's cheek. "For a long time I've loved her. I believed we'd be happy, but she was taken from me too soon, by… magic. In my blinded rage I turned against my allies. I saw enemies were stood friends. I slaughtered your kin over and over again in hopes it'd ease the pain and maybe bring her back to me. But it never happened. And then I found you, and the very same magic that I condemned for so long saved me."

Merlin blinked, agape. He hadn't expected such a confession all of sudden, but something settled on his chest comfortably. And when every word of Uther's speech finally sunk in, he understood. He had felt it before - the hatred, the despair, the pain. They were too loud, too great for any man to comprehend or push away, and it was always too easy to fall for them, to allow oneself to be broken in every way. But if he took a good look, the warlock could notice something else was back in Uther's eyes. That very essence he had glimpse oh so many months ago, a brave and righteous King that loved and cared for every person in his kingdom, a man that was truly happy.

It was still shy and fragile, but _it was there_.

"You did what you believed that was right." Merlin replied in a soft voice as Uther stared at him expectantly, his fingers running up and down the man's strong arms. "Losing someone we love is cruel, it breaks and twists you beyond repair. I'm glad you allowed me to help you."

"You didn't ask for permission."

"You weren't in a position to refuse."

Uther laughed once more, the guilt and sadness being wiped away from his face quickly and for a moment or two he looked like a twenty-years-old man again. Merlin smiled widely, his heart racing against his chest in a very comfortable way as strong arms got wrapped around him tightly, the King's lips placing gentle kisses on his lips and cheeks. How could they belong together so perfectly when they once were no more than deadly enemies? The warlock sighed happily, hidding his face on the crook of Uther's neck.

"I wonder if one day you'll love me as much as you loved her." Merlin didn't mean to say that out loud, but the words rolled out of his lips quietly.

"I already do."

For a long moment Merlin could do nothing but stare gobsmacked, blinking slowly, barely feeling his breath. Perhaps he had got it wrong, perhaps Uther was just playing him but the smile dancing on the older man's lips was so sincere, so sweet… it only served to assure his words and the young warlock felt his knees too weak again.

"You…"

"You're right." Uther smirked this time, properly stepping away from Merlin's reach just too quickly, pretending to ignore the boy's shocked expression as he turned to face his own horse. "We should move on. And I should say such things more often. It seems to be the only way to leave you _speechless_."

Merlin scowled, but he couldn't ignore the overwhelming happiness growing on his chest. That man would **definitely** be the death of him.

* * *

 _ **Oh hello it's me again! Thank you so much for your support, views and reviews! It means a lot to me! I'm sorry this chapter is a bit late than usual but I put a lot of effort in this one only to make up for the last chapter. And they're finally going to Camelot! Buuuut things won't be so easy on the way, there's a lot of drama and hurt coming! I hope you enjoy it!**_

 _ **Thank you for taking your time to read! I love you! Reviews make me happy~**_


	13. Outside

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately.**_

* * *

 _All the words left unspoken_  
 _All the pages I write_  
 _On my knees and I'm hoping_  
 _That someone holds me tonight_

 ** _Outside - Hollywood Undead_**

The Valley of the Fallen Kings was disturbingly calm as they traveled in a slow pace, trying not to draw too much attention. Even Merlin had shut up at some point, shoulders tense and lips pressed into a thin line. The boy was not to blame, for Uther himself couldn't ignore the unease feeling that was prickling at his guts helplessly. The shortcut they decided to take was dark and far too dangerous, and even the bravest men of Camelot avoided that way. _**This place is haunted, cursed.** _ The King shook the disturbing thoughts away, eyes fixed on the sinuous way ahead. Fortunately it wouldn't take too long to get out of those damned woods - and if they were really lucky, there'd be some Knights still searching for him around the White Mountains.

He hoped Arthur hadn't given up on him yet. No, he knew his son would never give up.

Oh how much he missed his dear boy. Arthur was a strong, smart lad, and Camelot was on good hands. Uther wasn't really worried about how his kingdom was being led in that moment, for he knew Arthur wouldn't disappoint him in such a way. The King was really worried about his son's reaction at Merlin. Arthur had a difficult temper and sometimes it was just too hard to deal with the boy, and Uther really wanted the most important people in his life to get along. Or maybe he was just being paranoid and they'd be good friends.

Uther took a deep breath, looking around for a moment to focus on the way. The woods were too unsettling, sending unpleasant shivers down his body. Merlin touched his arm gently for a second and a soft smile danced on his lips when their eyes met, melting Uther's anxiety in that very moment. It was easy to forget Merlin was a sorcerer when he looked so fragile, but his thin frame could be just too deceiving. The warlock was anything but "fragile" or "weak".

There was nothing to worry about.

They were _perfectly_ safe.

At midday, they had crossed half the Valley and Merlin decided to make camp, claiming Uther to be still too weak to mount for long hours. The King didn't complain, for his throbbing shoulder had been bothering him for some time now and it was a blessing they could stop and rest for a while. They sat together, arms wrapped around each other's body, enjoying the silence and comfort. For a moment it felt like being with Ygraine again, holding her close, brushing her golden hair.

It was a foreign feeling to think about her and not feel so angry, so lost, so mad as before. Instead he only felt a calm acceptance and shame for every disgusting thing he had done in her name. How much would she despise him for his acts? Ygraine had always loved magic, long before they'd even met. She enjoyed every innocent trick, every good it could bring. There'd be always those who'd abuse their powers, yet there were ones like Merlin that would use it only for good.

Uther glanced down at Merlin, smiling at the sight of the boy resting against his shoulder, eyes closed, completely relaxed. It was a rare sight indeed, for it seemed the warlock was always worried or frightened. Watching Merlin relax so openly and put his trust on the King made Uther's heart skip a beat, face flushed as his eyes ran through the boy's skinny frame. He wasn't so young anymore but he always felt like a twenty-years-old knight whenever he thought about Merlin.

His fingers caressed Merlin's gently, his smiling growing wider as he felt the boy purring against his neck, and in that moment the King allowed himself to relax as well, closing his eyes to enjoy the silence around them. That kind of peace was so wonderful, overwhelming even. In that moment he cared nothing about Camelot or his council or whatever they'd say about the boy in his arms. The only thing that really mattered was how he could make Merlin happy. The laws about the ban on magic would require time but he could repeal them at some point.

He just hoped the warlock would keep his word and wait.

And then a loud noise of snapping branches too close to them made Uther alert. In a sudden movement his fingers gripped the pommel of his sword and he stood up quickly. Merlin moved away, startled and confused, but made no sound as he forced himself up, wary eyes looking around, trying to find whatever that was threatening them - _threatening his King_ \- so obviously. This time silence felt too heavy, too unsettling. When the noise repeated and he felt someone standing right at his back, Uther turned quickly, holding the sword tighter.

It took him a second to recognize the red cape and the curly hair splattered with blood before the man collapsed at his feet.

"Leon!"

* * *

Merlin stood still, too shocked to move. A knight of Camelot right there, in the middle of the Valley, and he hadn't even noticed the man's presence. He shouldn't have relaxed too much… and then Uther rushed at the knight and a wave of shame hit him as a punch on the face. How could he be scared when traveling to Camelot with the bloody King? The knight made a pathetic, raspy sound and Merlin stepped closer to take a better look. There was so much blood on his chainmail, pouring helplessly from a deep wound on his chest.

The man would surely die.

His eyes focused on the knight's dirty face. He was sickly pale, his breath ragged and heavy but his face showed some kind of forgotten gentleness. He wasn't even thirty summers old, and yet he carried scars that only a knight would get through his life. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and there was something in the man's gaze, something just too intense and too sincere, that Merlin's fear melted away as quickly as it had appeared, and in that very second - _he knew they both knew_ \- they became good friends.

The warlock dropped to his knees, hands shoving Uther's away from the man's weak body to get more space to work on. It took only a second for his magic to recognize the blood, the danger, to understand it was needed and it shifted happily, wildly, claiming to be used _**right now right away we can heal him let us please let us help**_. Merlin quivered but conceded it to flow freely, eyes burning gold as strings of magic escaped his fingers and invade the wound, pushing the blood back into its right place, fixing the muscles, veins and skin.

It felt different, too different from the times he needed to take care of Uther. Washing away a magical poison was easy, natural even. He had dealed with Morgause too many times before to learn how to get rid of her fatal tricks. The King's body had healed by itself, requiring only potions, some herbs and a quick healing spell (that even a child could perform) here and there to get better. This time it'd take a lot more than a simple spell and _much more_ of his energy.

Merlin sucked in a deep breath, closing his eyes to focus completely on the magic igniting his body, forcing its way out painfully. _**It hurts please it hurts he needs help he'll die hold on just hold on a little longer we can do it**_. The magical words escaped his lips before the warlock could notice them, powering up the spell, dragging out the last of his shaken strength. A long minute rolled by and finally his magic settled back all of sudden and hid somewhere deep within his very soul, leaving a stunned, weakened body behind.

A firm hand on his back was the only thing keeping him in a sitting position. Merlin blinked slowly, feeling numb and weary, and his gaze fell on the man's chest. Blood seemed to be everywhere but the once fatal wound had shrank into a thin, unnoticiable scar. His breathing was steady and peaceful, with no signs of pain whatsoever, and color had returned to his face. The warlock felt a weak smile on his lips for a moment and then his world grew darker as he slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

 _ **Hello again! Thank you for taking your time to read this and leave reviews! It makes me really happy! Now, I'm sorry I took so long to post this chapter but I really couldn't find a good way to end it. Well, Leon is in the party now! I couldn't kill our dearest immortal knight~**_

 _ **Thank you so much for your love. I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I'm planning to write a sequel or maybe a series of one-shots once I finish this one, so let me know what you'd like to read! Reviews make me happy! See ya, love you all!**_


	14. No Light, No Light (Part 1)

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Uther's POV._**

* * *

 _You are the hole in my head  
You are the space in my bed  
You are the silence in between  
What I thought and what I said_

 _ **No Light, No Light - Florence and the Machine**_

Uther never thought he'd feel so weak, so desperated and miserable again in his life, not after Ygraine's death, but he was wrong. The moment Merlin passed out was the most terrifying moment he could even remember. Even his nightmares seemed to be far more comforting than watching the boy fall limp on his arms, exhausted, cold and pale as a corpse, as if there was no more life in his thin body. The King felt himself gasping breathless for some air, a turmoil of angry emotions that he had kept locked for too long hitting him all at once. It was fear, pure and irrational, numbing his mind and senses, blinding him completely. He could see the soft movements in Merlin's chest, could feel the warm breath against his neck but he couldn't just let go of that feeling that he was about to lose the more important person of his life _again_.

It couldn't happen.

 _ **You deserve it you deserve to suffer for all you've done**_ a little ugly voice whispered in his head but the King just pushed it away, his grip at Merlin's body tightening. The poor boy would have bruises on his arms later, but it didn't matter in the moment. Uther could feel his heart beating too fast against his ribcage, his hands trembling. He barely noticed Leon's weak attempts in getting up, yet he couldn't say he wasn't relieved by the miraculous recovery of his most trusted knight. The only thing that crossed his dizzy mind in that moment was what price would be paid for such a miracle.

And finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Merlin stirred, moaning but the King barely registered the pained noise, relief and happiness washing over his tensed body. He knew it was stupid to worry so much, but he couldn't ignore the overwhelming feeling that some day he'd lose his love and his world would fall apart again. Uther sucked in a shaken breath, fingers brushing away the sweat on Merlin's forehead, and a wave of an almost forgotten yet still too powerful repugnance threatened to drown him, pushing at his guts too painfully, darkening his already shaken senses. It was the sorcery on the boy's body the real cumprit, the only thing to be blamed for Merlin's fragile state.

It was _always_ sorcery, despicable and treacherous, destroying every good thing on its way, slowly corrupting the purest, kindest soul this cursed world would ever meet. It wasn't Merlin's fault, of course - how could he expect the boy to understand something so simple when he'd been blind by such darkness since the very beginning? He couldn't blame the boy, only what was inside of him, poisoning his blood and soul...

And then he felt shame slapping his face at full force. How could he still believe in such old, _wrong_ , stupid fears? Magic had saved his life and his mind. It fixed his broken heart and shattered soul. Magic pulled his second in command back from the dead. Magic was life as much as it was death. As quick as it appeared, Uther pushed those dreadful feelings aside, ignoring that little voice in the back of his head whispering _**kill it it's just a monster like any other he's tricking you he'll kill you**_. Merlin, so sweet and caring and innocent, _couldn't_ be a monster, and he had just proved it again and again.

How could Uther even allow himself to think of such _disgraceful_ things?

Merlin whimpered softly under his breath, eyes fluttering open. There were so many emotions dancing on those bright, impossibly blue eyes, so many it was hard to count or even try to name them. And it took the King only a moment to understand _that_ was Merlin, the real magic creature he wouldn't glimpse completely even if he looked for it all his life - a mystery, a question that would _never_ get an answer.

Merlin was clumsy and a complete buffoon at times, but also wise and intelligent.

He was fragile, with a _worrisome_ slender complexion and a very pale skin that most of time resembled a walking corpse. He was the most powerful sorcerer to walk on earth.

Merlin was a scared child. A mighty fighter.

A caring friend, a gentle lover, a frightening enemy, a _god_.

And even if he pretended not to see it, Uther knew - they _loved_ and **loathed** each other at the very same intensity. There'd always be doubt and fear and distrust, and there'd always be awe and gratitude and acceptance. That was the dysfunctional way their relationship worked, and if Uther needed to be sincere now, it was just perfect enough for him, for _them_. That was the only way for Uther to be certain he hadn't fallen for some enchantment that soon would be broken. The only way for Merlin to be sure it wasn't just a trick to get him burned at the stake once they stepped into Camelot.

Uther snapped out of his sturpor as the sharp noise of a sword being unsheathed echoed just too loudly in the quiet woods. Merlin shuddered pathetically on his hands, trying to move away but too weak to do so, eyes wide open now, staring right at the knight he had just saved only a few moments ago. Leon stood close to them, sword in his trembling hand, looking as confused and lost as the warlock, torn between duty and abashed gratitude. He was supposed to follow Camelot's laws, to execute the evil sorcerer that had just saved his life. A sorcerer that was being nestled protectively against the _King_ 's chest as if he was no more than a child lost in the woods.

How stupid, pathetic did their situation really look?

"Put your sword down, Leon." Uther finally said, and the knight let out a sigh of relief that lasted for only a second before concern washed over his young features, his grip on the sword tighter than before. "He's harmless."

"Are you sure, my lord?" Leon shifted uncomfortably on his place, his knucles relaxing over the pommel slightly. "He saved me when I was at the _brink_ of death. He's…"

But whatever the knight was trying to say was lost when his eyes met Merlin's.

* * *

 _ **Hello, my little doves~ I'm so sorry it took so long for me to update but my computer died and I'm just so upset! Ugh! However, thank you so much for your patience and support, it means a lot to me! I really wanted to make this chapter longer, but I'll just split it into two parts. I hope you're enjoying the story so far. I'm still planning in making a sequel or something, so it'd help me a lot if you leave some suggestions!**_

 _ **Thank you so much for taking your time to read, and reviews make me really happy. Love you all!**_


	15. No Light, No Light (Part 2)

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately._**

* * *

 _You are the night time fear_  
 _You are the morning when it's clear_  
 _When it's over, your start_  
 _You're my head and you're my heart_

 ** _No Light, No Light - Florence and the Machine_**

* * *

A long moment of pure silence hovered above them, a small second that seemed to last for the very eternity. It was strangely comfortable and also frightening. Leon felt his own breath stuck on his throat, unable to reach for enough air to fill his lungs. He had never seen such absurdly blue, shining eyes in his entire life, and he was sure he'd never see them anywhere else but in that man's face. It was like staring right at the sun and he'd be blinded by its light if he stared for too long. For the first time in forever, he hadn't seen malice in a sorcerer. He couldn't picture that frail young man, that started trembling at the mere sight of his sword, as something utterly evil, that was planning to take over Camelot, to destroy the peace they had fought for so long to achieve.

Instead he saw his very soul mirrored in those bright sapphire eyes, hurt and broken and alone. The suffering for the loss of dear friends and brothers, the fear of being too close to death, too lost in its embrace to think about anything else but the cold. The panic of losing even more now. The strange affinity that dared to grow between their distressed spirits, settling in comfortably, leaving a warm trail that almost resembled the feeling of a shy friendship being built.

A sight that was as beautiful as it was dreadful.

A sickening feeling made its way up his throat and the knight needed all his still shaken might to hold it back, barely realising the moment the sword escaped from his grip and landed on the ground with a soft, almost inaudible thud. His logic, all the years of training, fought his thoughts, trying to push some sense into him. Magic was evil, therefore that sorcerer was evil as well. It was simple. It should be this simple - but then there was Uther, the Great King that banished magic from his lands, that hunted it for almost two decades, too certain of his beliefs, knelt by the sorcerer's side, holding him as if it was a precious, untouchable, pure thing, something to be protected and cherised.

His confused mind couldn't fully comprehend what was happening in there.

His healing wound throbbed happily, sending a warm wave of contentment through his body. Magic saved his life, and he had repaid the favor - the miracle - with pointing a sword at the man that had been his salvation.

"I… Thank you." Leon finally found his voice, yet the words that escaped his lips were no more than whispers. He didn't even notice the moment he stepped closer, reaching out a hand for the dark-haired man to take, a clear signal of peace. "I'm forever indebted with you."

The younger man smiled weakly and seemed to recover enough strength to move up and take the knight's hand. His grip was firm and warm, fingers still trembling softly yet he didn't let go until he was standing properly, and even so they kept staring at each other in silence, never releasing the other's hand. The touch felt just too warm and comfortable, like finally coming home after a long travel, and Leon embraced the gentle feeling with open arms, pushing away the unsettling feeling of doubt and fear.

If his King could trust a sorcerer, _this_ sorcerer, perhaps Leon could trust him as well.

* * *

Despite Merlin's protests that he was feeling very well thank you very much, Uther simply decided they wouldn't move from their arranged camp until dawn. His magic hummed happily in agreement, showing up for a mere moment only to hide away deeper into his soul when the warlock tried to reach for it to prove he was strong enough to keep traveling, humiliating him even more than necessary. Uther didn't even allow him to move from his bedroll just because of it! That was the worst moment to be the youngest in the group, and even the knight had agreed with the King's idea - oh well it wasn't like he wouldn't, really.

Stupid knights and their stupid loyalty…

"You know you have no saying in this matter, Merlin." Uther smiled almost gently, but the warlock scoffed anyway, muttering an insult under his breath. "Curse me as you want, you _will_ obey me."

"The King is right. It's been a long day for us all." Leon offered him a sympathetic gaze, as if trying to say there was no way out of that mess before bowing respectfully at Uther, that just nodded in response. "I'm really curious about what really happened, my lord. You've been away for a long time. We nearly lost hope."

"I'm glad Merlin didn't." The King smiled at the warlock once more, only to get a new insult in retort. "Don't be so bitter, boy. God forbid me for carrying you all the way back to Camelot just because you're too stubborn. Now shut up and rest, we could use the quiet."

Uther couldn't help the laughter that escaped him at Merlin's offended expression, and even if he was pretty sure his unbred joke would only get him a couple of days of the warlock's disregard and _oh so delightful_ silence, it was good to see the boy finally doing as he was told, offering Uther his back and more muttered insults that soon turned into soft snores as Merlin drifted into sleep. The boy really deserved the rest and some time to relax.

"My lord…" Leon called quietly, eyeing the raven-haired man for a moment, trying to find the right words to speak up. "It's not my place to say, but he's a sorcerer. Is it wise to put so much trust on him? I'm not saying I'm not grateful for his help, I am. Yet shouldn't we be… more careful?"

"I understand your concern. I've been asking the same things for the past months, but he never gave me reason to doubt his loyalty." Uther felt himself smiling, daring to brush Merlin's hair gently before adjusting his back against the tree, staring at his most loyal knight for a long moment. "I know what sorcery means. It corrupts and twists you from the very core, yet this boy… Never once he showed signals of darkness or ill intentions. And even when he knew who I was, what I would do to him… he saved not only my life but my soul as well, and asked nothing in return. Does it make any sense?"

"Not at all, my lord."

The knight shook his head slowly, as if trying to understand every word he had heard and failing almost miserably. Uther didn't judge him, though. It had been too hard for the King himself to comprehend a glimpse of the whole story, yet he was pretty sure he allowed his mind to push his logic aside only because of the deep feelings growing within his chest more and more.

"He saved my life." Leon said softly after a long moment of pure silence, eyes still fixed on Merlin's back. "For a moment, before he healed me… it felt like we've been friends for all my life. It felt like… he really _cared_ about me, even if he didn't know me at all."

The King smiled softly. He could understand that, for he knew Merlin had that effect on others. It was so easy to believe the boy really cared, really wanted to help despite all the danger envolving his _methods_. For some seconds Uther allowed himself to brush Merlin's raven hair gently, ignoring Leon's curious gaze. That was a private matter and he knew the knight would keep it for himself. He was surrounded by good men and he had never noticed it before… Uther scoffed at his own stupidity, once more getting comfortable against the tree trunk, and stared at the young knight.

"Now tell me what happened to you, Leon."

* * *

 _ **Hello my sweet doves! I'm so sorry for taking so long to update this one, but I've been quite busy with my new story. If you didn't see it yet, you can check my profile and take a look! Buuuuut I can say the next chapter is ready and it won't take too long to post it. Well, thank you so so much for your reviews and your support, it means a lot to me! Oh, and in the next chapter we'll be learning more about Merlin's past~ So don't leave just yet, there's a lot of good things coming! See ya!**_


	16. I'm Still Here

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately._**

* * *

 _And you see the things they never see_  
 _All you wanted, I could be_  
 _Now you know me, and I'm not afraid_

 _And I wanna tell you who I am_  
 _Can you help me be a man?_  
 _They can't break me_  
 _As long as I know who I am_

 ** _I'm Still Here - Johnny Rzeznik_**

* * *

 _ **Morgause**_. Of course it was that damned _witch_. Merlin grumbled, pretending to ignore the conversation between Uther and the knight - Leon, that was his name. It suited him, somehow - but the anger bubbling under his skin was getting too obvious to be hidden away. The King kept sending him worried looks as they crossed the Valley, and once or twice Leon offered him a reassuring smile, as if trying to make him feel better or at least more safe around the two warriors.

It didn't work _at all_.

She **shouldn't** be there. He had made sure she left Camelot a long time ago, sure of Uther's passing. His magic pushed and twirled inside of him, trying to find out why he was so distressed but there was nothing it could do. Someone knows she's not alone in this find them find them now. The image of a lady with dark hair e bright green eyes appeared in his mind so suddenly that the warlock couldn't help but trip on his own feet and fall hard on the ground. He had seen her before, yet he couldn't remember when or where and it was just driving him crazy. She meant Uther's death and he'd _never_ allow it.

His magic, fuelled by his shaken feelings, shoved against his chest painfully but he just pushed it back again and again. _**It hurt**_ , denying his very essence hurt more than it was supposed to but he needed to. And he knew Uther knew he was powerful, the King knew he held a great deal of power but never really imagined the real measure of it. And often Merlin wondered if Uther would order his execution for being a monster when he finally glimpsed the reality.

 _ **I'm not a monster.**_

The warlock forced his sore body in a sitting position, eyes focused on the blue sky above the trees. How often had he heard it before? He'd lost count a long time ago, but the words still hurt. A deep sigh escaped his lips as Merlin shook his head, sending the memories and stupid thoughts away. He wasn't a child anymore to keep dwelling on something that happened gods knew how long ago. Things were different, _better_ somehow. The future was filled with a strange kind of hope that he never dared to believe in before.

A voice calling his name pulled Merlin out of his thoughts. A steady but gentle voice, full of concern and affection. A smile played on his lips and the younger man just pushed himself up, quickening his pace to reach the mighty warriors of Camelot leading him through the Valley of the Fallen Kings. But before he could approach Uther enough, he forced himself to remember he should be _angry_ at the King and ignore him for a couple of days. How difficult was to pretend, though, when Uther kept smiling sweetly and kept trying to get his attention or even steal some light kisses.

"You can't _not talk to me_ , Merlin." The sovereign said at some point, only to be ignored again. "I'm your King, you know."

"I'm signing for a new King. Do you think Odin will appreaciate my 'idiotic chattering' better than you?"

Merlin scoffed at Uther's disgusted expression and Leon let a snicker escape his lips, looking half amused, half shocked by his behavior, and his smile only grew as their eyes met. Perhaps they could really be _good_ friends.

"Odin would cut your tongue off the first time you talked back."

"Nah, Cenred tried once. Didn't end up well for him, as I recall." The warlock shrugged, moving faster than the two men not to see their reactions. He was pretty sure he'd laugh and it'd be extremely rude. "He lost a finger or two. Unfortunately not on his sword hand."

"And how did you exactly fall on that brute's hands?" Uther asked quietly, and it took Merlin only a second to notice the anger hidden behind his words, as a snake ready to strike. But what really bothered him was how easy he noticed something so subtle, and how quickly an uncomfortable, almost painful knot formed on his throat.

"I've told you, I was born in Ealdor. My village was too close to Camelot's borders and we always heard stories about you, about how you hunted those with magic."

Merlin tried to sound more casual than he really felt as if there was nothing interesting about his life, eyes still fixed on the way. _It hurt_ deeply, and it shouldn't. He should be able to talk about his past to the person he loved, shouldn't he? People shared secrets and stories with their loved ones, he had heard. Uther had allowed him to find out about his own secrets, and wasn't ashamed nor scared of it. Even so, the warlock could feel his hands trembling and his voice cracking as the words kept escaping his lips. It shouldn't be so difficult.

"My mother feared for me, for my future. She tried to hide me, my… _gifts_." The warlock licked his lips, ignoring the burning sensation of Uther's stare on his neck. "But I was a child and I couldn't control my magic. One day a woman knight passed by the village and she spotted me playing, using magic. She told my mother she could protect me, teach me how to control myself. She lied."

And there it was again, that horrid feeling of pure anger and disgust hitting at his chest harder than it should be possible. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard Uther calling him again, but he just ignored the man. It hurt just like poison running through his body, killing him slowly and somehow he kept swallowing it over and over again. And _for what_? No one would ever change what had happened. Nothing would erase what Morgause had done. But talking freely about it made him notice that was exactly what he needed.

To give the last push and free himself completely from her dirty hands.

And as he stopped walking, Merlin took a deep breath of fresh air, trying to calm his confused feelings. _**Just take it easy no one is rushing you he wants to know he wants to trust you completely give it to him he deserves it.**_ His magic settled over his heart comfortably, leaving a warm, familiar sensation in there, helping him to relax and think properly. Uther's grey eyes were full of pure concern as the warlock turned to face him, but they didn't move nor tried to get closer. It wasn't the moment for affection or gentle embraces, and the King respected his personal space.

Merlin's admiration and respect for him only seemed to grow bigger with the realization.

"I don't know why but my mother believed in her. I had only seen ten summers, I didn't know what was happening. I didn't want to go but she insisted. She told me I'd learn how to control my gifts and one day I'd go home and live in peace because no knight of Camelot would recognize me."

He noticed the exact moment Uther's face fell, the regret and shame adorning his expressions as if they just belonged in there. A bitter sting on his guts forced him to sigh and ignore the King's face, at least for now. It didn't matter anymore, Uther was a better man than seven months ago and he could trust him. Merlin _was sure_ he could trust Uther with all his life - because that was only thing he had left in him, and he didn't want to lose it now.

"But she lied to my mother. The woman took me to Cenred's castle, and then she enslaved me and my magic." The mere thought of those dark days made him shudder, and for a long moment he kept his eyes wide shut only not to see the horror on the King's face. "She told me she'd kill my mother if I didn't obey her. And I did. I let her use me, my magic, to do terrible things."

"Merlin…"

" _Five years_." Merlin felt his breath stuck on his lungs in a very agonizing way. "Five years I served her and Cenred. Five years of the most cruel things someone could do to another. I was beaten and tortured. I starved for days because I couldn't keep my big mouth shut. She forced me to learn about dark magic, and she supressed my magic so many times I wished she'd just kill me. I've been called 'monster' for so long I almost forgot my own name."

The words burned his tongue, just like poison he had been feeding himself for too long. His knees felt too weak but the warlock took another deep breath, forcing his body not to fail him just now. There was nothing to be afraid of anymore. Morgause couldn't touch him again, couldn't keep him in chains as before.

"One day, though… She didn't know I was listening. She mentioned my mother's passing. Winter had been too harsh in Ealdor, and my mother didn't make it. In that year I got my freedom back because… there was nothing else for me to lose. One night, everyone was distracted by one of Cenred's party. The guards were too stupid and they had drunk too much. I knocked them out and then stole a horse. I rode for days, with no destination. I just had to move away from the castle. And when I thought I'd never find a safe shelter… I found the hut. It'd been my home since then, and Morgause never came after me."

Strong arms pulled him close, and Merlin allowed himself to get lost in the warmth and safety Uther's embrace meant for him. It felt _so good_. He relaxed, melting in the embrace, hands curled up on the King's jacket only to keep him close, enjoying his particular, strong scent that he'd recognize anywhere. It felt right. It made him feel he really belonged, and for the first time in a long time he found a place to rest. Even Leon was staring at him sympathetically, as an older brother looking after his young sibling.

"Never again you shall be used, Merlin. _I promise_." Uther's gentle whispers sent pleasant shivers down his still trembling body. "You're safe now."

But he wasn't. No one would really be safe while Morgause lived. Even so, Merlin swallowed the retort back and smiled at the lovely yet hollow promise, making a pleased noise as the King placed a tender kiss on forehead. He had no idea of what Uther was really planning to do about them once they reached Camelot but deep inside he knew it didn't matter. Being able to walk freely around the kingdom as more than he had always hoped for, but for some reason the King seemed to have made his mind about something entirely different.

"We should move on." Leon said suddenly, and Merlin felt his cheeks warming up more than necessary when he remembered they weren't exactly alone anymore. "If we're lucky, we can reach Camelot before nightfall and also avoid bandits in the area."

Uther nodded in agreement but didn't move away until he captured Merlin's lips in a gentle kiss, barking a laugh at the boy's flushed face. He was so _adorable_ sometimes.

* * *

The White Mountains were close at hand when the sun was shining bright over their heads, yet there was no way Merlin would just settle down and _relax_. Uther had given up at some point few hours ago, for no matter what he or Leon had said, it seemed the boy hadn't listen to a single word and the King couldn't understand why his loved was so distressed, somehow _scared_ of the mountains. And for a moment he regretted the moment he asked about Merlin's past because as much as he knew the boy kept secrets from him, he could deal with being left in the dark. Pushing Merlin had been cruel, but he couldn't deny he felt great when he noticed _how much_ the warlock trusted him.

"Merlin, would you _please_ relax? You're making me nervous."

All the warlock did was shake his head, lips pressed into a thin line, shoulders stiffened in pure tension just like Uther was used to see him. Merlin lived in constant fear, and only in rare moments he could be seen relaxing completely. The King felt his stomach clenching for he knew one of the reasons Merlin behaved like that was his never-ending war against magic and its users. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could really do to right his wrongs but hope the boy someday would trust him enough to walk among two knights of Camelot without ressembling a scared rabbit being chased.

"Merlin…"

"Shh! I'm trying to listen-"

And then a sharp cry of pain and surprise escaped Merlin's lips, and something inside of Uther shattered in the very moment the boy swayed and fell on the ground, hands pulling the wounded knee closer to his chest to prevent more damage. The King tried to move closer, to protect _his_ boy from further attacks but it was useless. The moment he stepped towards Merlin, an invisible, giant hand pushed him back with such power he felt every bone of his back and side breaking as he landed against a tree. Air escaped his lungs and it was too hard to recover it, his chest being an agonizing mess.

"My, my. What have we here?"

Uther wheezed, a disgusting wave of pain and dizzyness preventing him from thinking clearly. His side burned as his body was on fire, the broken bones making a horrid pressure against his lungs and turning every breath excruciatingly painful. He barely heard the attacker approaching, the steps too light and slow for him to notice just yet. And then a cold sensation washed over his body as the blade of a sword was pressed against his neck, making him finally look up.

A woman in full armor was standing right there, a devilish smile on her lips and an arrogant look on her eyes that only served to make him sick. Uther felt himself staring with his mouth agape, for he had seen her face before and couldn't remember where nor when. She was beautiful but dangerous, the sword resting too close to his neck forcing him not to forget that very important detail. Her smirk grew wider, shoving away any kind of beauty she had before, leaving only a mad, dark creature behind, and the King felt his heart racing against his chest at the imminent danger. None of his companions could help him in that moment - Leon had been knocked out, perhaps by the same blow that hit Uther previously, and Merlin kept thrasing on the ground, pain and terror written on every inch of his jovial face.

"And I had really believed the tyrant King was dead. I've been fooled by an idiot."

The blonde woman seemed to forget about Uther as she moved closer to Merlin, grabbing his hair so tightly and so suddenly the boy didn't even try to hold back the surprised cry. The King jumped but his sore body just ached and burned in response, keeping him in his place and for the first time he felt completely useless and weak. He should do something, he should keep that bitch away from Merlin but his body _refused_ to obey his mind.

"But you're no idiot anymore, are you?" The woman knight kept talking, tucking in Merlin's hair only to get another helpless yelp from him. "Hidding in the heart of Camelot. You surely have a death wish."

"So do _you_ , Morgause." The warlock scoffed, eyes unfocused by pain, and Uther felt himself gasping breathless. That name… the very woman Merlin had been talking about earlier, the person that had caused him so much pain and suffering. "Invading Camelot's lands so openly, attacking knights… I wonder if Cenred even knows about what you do in his name."

"I do whatever I need to in my own name. In the name of a person dear for me." Morgause hissed, poison in her words just before she regained her composture. "I'm curious, Merlin. Why did you ever help a man that is leading you right into the pyre? What, are you out of cheeky remarks?" She smiled again as Merlin just pressed his lips into a thin line, refusing to speak more. "Very well. I can always take the truth from you later. Now, there's another _matter_ I must attend."

Morgause laughed maniacally, letting go of the poor boy's hair and staring right at Uther. She was insane, the King noticed. Cruel, powerful and completely, utterly insane. But no matter how much he tried to move away, to stand up and fight as he should, his body seemed to be out of his own control, paralyzed and useless. The woman's grin was the most horrid, sickening thing he had ever seen in his life, and as she approached more and more again, fingers firmly wrapped around the hilt, he knew that was the end.

He'd die right there, with no glory nor honor. He'd let himself be slaughtered because his old body was just too old to provide him enough strength to stand up and fight.

As Morgause lifted the sword, Uther closed his eyes, preparing himself for the worst - the pain, the darkness, the agony he had experienced before and now that would be complete and with no escape this time. There wouldn't be Merlin to pull him back into the light, to guide him. No more magic or bright smiles, no more wise words that only served to confuse him over and over again, to doubt his own beliefs. The woman kept talking but he had stopped listening for long, torturous seconds. And then the pure silence alerted him for what was to come.

The sword never reached its real target. Instead, a painful scream echoed around, filling his ears and his heart with dread. Blood dripped on his face, warm and disgusting. He forced his eyes open, and in that moment he felt his whole world crumbling right in front of him.

The Great King Uther hadn't been the one fatally pierced by Morgause's sword.

It was Merlin.

* * *

 _ **Hellooooo again! I'm deeply sorry for the cliffhanger but I couldn't resist it. I love to hurt Merlin sometimes, and I should be ashamed of it. Anyway, thank you for taking your time to read, follow and favorite. And also a big thanks for mersan123 that keep supporting the story every time I update it. Thank you so so much, my dear. It means a lot to me! And now it's up to you guys what should happen next! Should Merlin live? Feel free to request something whenever you want!**_

 _ **Thank you so much for your support, guys. I mean it. See you in the next chapter!**_


	17. End of All Hope

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Merlin's POV.**_

* * *

 _It is the end of all hope_  
 _To lose the child, the faith_  
 _To end all the innocence_  
 _To be someone like me_

 ** _End of All Hope - Nightwish_**

* * *

He had gone mad. That was the only reason he could think of in that moment, when his heart was beating too fast, almost painfully, against his chest and his mind was too dizzy for him to think properly, his magic hidden away in some dark part of his body, too hurt to come out and help him in his moment of most need. He didn't notice the moment he stood up, the pain on his knee completely forgotten, replaced by something deeper that bleed more than the wound on his bone, that pierced his very soul, a feeling that was killing him slowly, slow as the very time running around him.

 _Uther is going to die._

 _ **Stop it stop it you have to stop it now! Run!**_

And run he did. The imminent danger whipped him into action, everything else but Morgause being ignored. There was no pain, no blood. There was Uther being threatened right in front of his eyes. There was the woman he loathed the most trying to destroy his life and happiness once more. And he moved forward, blind to anything else. Morgause's words full of hatred and despise didn't reach him. And when the sword travelled down, ready to kill the King, it stopped into something else, and he took a moment to understand everything.

Cold. _He felt so cold_.

Merlin glanced down, at his hands holding the blade tightly against his own body, preventing it from going deeper into his chest. The numbness was unsettling, terrifying. The constant noise of dripping blood was sickening. His own blood, he noticed dumbly. He could feel tears running down his cheeks, but couldn't understand exactly _why_ he was crying. Time was agonizing slow. And then, all at once, the purest pain he had ever felt in his entire life exploded through all his body and he felt the very moment something inside him shattered in a million pieces.

Morgause's face fell. Her arrogant expression turned into horror. And when she screamed, sounding so pitiful and pathetic, he felt magic boiling under his skin, the gold burning his eyes and blinding him to the outside world. He didn't even recognize that thing inside of him, the slamming at his very soul, so violent and powerful. It felt wrong, _just too wrong_. His magic was always soft, meant to **help** and not to hurt even when he needed to.

His magic was pure, beautiful and gentle. It was warm, it meant _safety_.

But the magic roaring inside of him, twisted and terrifying, ruling over his senses, fighting its way through his beliefs, overthrowing every one of his defenses, was wild and untamed, uncontrollable and furious. It was able to shake the very foundations of the earth and sky, that forced him to feel nothing else but it, that shoved the cruel pain away and replaced it with fire that burned every inch of his body. That magic wasn't his, it didn't belong to Merlin, the farmer boy from Ealdor. It belonged to Emrys, the most powerful sorcerer to walk on earth, and in that moment there was no way to tell them apart. That magic the very reason so many people _feared_ him and called him monster. The reason he had been turned away, abandoned and hurt. The reason Uther would never trust him.

He wanted to cry and scream, yet he couldn't find his own voice. He wanted to fight it, yet there was no fight in him anymore. He wanted to run away but his body wouldn't obey him. He felt _so broken_ , so lost.

 _ **Kill her kill her kill her. Let her taste our pain.**_

 _ **She'll pay for everything she has done to us.**_

 _ **No mercy for the guilty.**_

The High Priestess stepped back, letting go of the sword. He didn't even try to stop his hands that moved against his will, pulling the weapon out of his body, his grip strangely tight on the hilt. He felt like a prisioner inside of himself and there was nothing he could do to set himself free, to break the chains keeping him in the darkness. Magic was the only one in command, controlling his crumbling mind and ruined body, keeping him alive, easing the pain until there was only that fearsome cold that took his breath away, that made him feel he was drowning in his own soul. His feet moved slowly, closer and closer to Morgause. She screamed, tried to push him away but her magic was nothing in compare with his.

And then a sting of anger hit him right on the guts, reopening old wounds that never healed at all. Morgause deserved it - for all she had done, for all she would do. _She_ was evil. _She_ was the real reason Uther feared magic. _She_ meant to destroy everything in her way, and now he could stop the snake from spilling her poison around, the darkness from spreading through Camelot, he could prevent the dark future he had seen so many weeks ago. It wasn't simple revenge - it couldn't be, it **should** be more than stupid, pointless revenge. It was wipping the most revolting, most cruel creature he had ever met from the face of the earth.

It felt wrong and right at the same time.

But the magic had felt his acceptation, even for a brief moment, and finally destroyed the last of his fragile defenses, pushing him aside deep into himself as he had done countless times before. A sweet little revenge for the denials. Merlin felt his lips curling into a humorless smile, fingers let go of the sword that fell in the ground with a soft, inaudible _thump_. He tried to stop it, to untie the bounds keeping him restrained but it was useless. No matter what he desired, his magic wouldn't stop.

 _Emyrs_ couldn't be stopped even by the gods themselves.

His tired arms slowly moved up, palms towards the last of the High Priestesses of the Old Religion, the powerful yet unknown spell swirling on his lips, praying to be used. He knew he wouldn't regret it - oh the despair of taking a life, of playing to be a god, would haunt him until his last breath - but he'd rather have all that knowledge lost forever than watch it be used only for the purest evil.

Sacrifice the past in order to save the future.

Morgause's high pitched voice reached some part of his mind, her eyes filled with such fear he had never witnessed before, the realization of what'd be her last moments written on her once beautiful face. She was desperated, yet there was nowhere to run. It was almost pitiful. His lips parted open, and in the very second the words rolled out of his tongue, the pain that had been forgotten struck him in the most cruel way, but the scream didn't come out. Instead Merlin felt himself being dragged helplessly, slowly into darkness.

" ** _...ðu stælan ægylt æt fæderríce ond dóm uppan á þon eorðe._** "

As a wave of light brighter than the sun itself blinded him and the sorceress' last scream filled the air, the warlock finally allowed himself to be taken by the dark sea that would drown him, with a frightening realization.

He'd never _escape_ it again.

* * *

 _Translation: You have brought Sin to Heaven and doom upon all the world. (_ Chant of Light, Dragon Age _)_

 ** _Hello again, my dearies! I'm deeply sorry for this terrible chapter but I just didn't want to leave you with a cliffhanger for too long! Buuut now we're heading towards the end and I'm planning a sequel, if you'd like to read it! Let me know what you think! For those following or waiting for updates on my other story, I'm sorry for the delay._**

 ** _As usual, thank you so much for your love and support and for your wonderful reviews. It makes me really happy! Lots of love for you guys! See you~_**


	18. Author's Note

p style="text-align: center;"strongemSo I finally got my internet back! Hello my lovelies, I'm really sorry for my sudden disappearance. My internet just died and my computer decided to delete almost all my things for some hellish reason. However I'm back and I promise I'll try to write something this week. I'm really sorry for the delay, but thank you for your support and patience!/em/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongemSee you all soon, my dearies!/em/strong/p 


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